The Journey

My mommy is in town. This makes me ridiculously happy. I've missed her terribly since she moved to Florida this summer. The unselfish part of me knows that she's in better space. Not least of all, Florida is a lot WARMER than New York, especially in winter. She's finally been able to get some outside help with my step father, who isn't able to care for himself. These are huge steps forward.

Living in a house, with the need to take care of a lawn and garden, not to mention living on a highway which meant that she had to drive John to the mall so he could walk each day, was difficult for them both. Now, they can walk around the neighborhood, and there's no fear of falling on the ice, or Mom injuring herself trying to shovel snow. It was the right move for them, and I know it's been a good one. As much as I miss her, I want her happy, above all.

My Mom, Gloria, with her sister, Pearl. Mom's in blue. :)

The selfish part... misses being able to just drive over and have a cup of tea with my mom. I miss having her here for my kiddos. They're long past the age of needing a babysitter, but they miss hanging out with their Gramma as much as I miss hanging out with my Mom. My daughter said yesterday, about my step-father, "I know he can be a grumpy pain sometimes, but I miss him." It made me laugh.

Mom's a painter, and the kids remember fondly sitting at the table and painting with her, everything from paper to rocks. I feel closer to Mom when I'm painting, even though her talent far exceeds my own small efforts.

Families... are so complicated sometimes. Mine more than some, less than others I suppose. Everyone's family has their own internal pushes and pulls, jealousies, loyalties, happiness, and sadness and memories, all mixed together. Families... add the holidays, and you've got a recipe for emotional chaos.

I asked my ex to hang lights one Christmas...

Funny, just like with Christmas lights, with chaos and a tangled mess... it's the lights you notice. Families are crazy at times, but the love is the part that shines through.

Since my ex left, the kids and I have moved forward. We've re-knit ourselves into something new. It's different, and sometimes we feel the empty space... this is not how life was "meant to be", but it is how life is for us now and I think, all things told, we've grown into our new reality, just as Mom and John have grown into living in Florida. It wasn't easy, I know, for them to leave behind everyone here, to leave the home John built himself. It was a big change... and change is scary, but, as they say, regret is scarier.

Here's looking forward to a new year, full of changes, and hopefully fewer regrets.

Journey safely, friends.

~*~*~

“Not all those who wander are lost.”
~JRR Tolkien

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”
~Ernest Hemingway